


and maybe one day i'll be able to just sit in the water like everyone else

by theyellowcurtains



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Depression, Mania, Mentions of Sucidal Thoughts, bipolar, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:09:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theyellowcurtains/pseuds/theyellowcurtains
Summary: Even in a manic episode. It's a little wild.Please read my notes at the start as they are important.





	and maybe one day i'll be able to just sit in the water like everyone else

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. Oo this is me writing about mania and bipolar. I am bipolar. I however cannot talk for everyone and their experience. This is a little bit of something I am doing for my therapy thing, and I wanted to express it though a character because it's easier to manage that way rather than thinking about it being myself. I am really sorry if I offend anyone with this content, and I am really sorry if this seems really strange for me to be posting on here. I sort of feel like I need it right now. Thank you if you do read this and enjoy it, if you read this and hate it, I understand that completely too. I hate it myself. Sorry this has gotten so long - k xx

His thoughts moved too fast. He couldn't get words out of his mouth. Everything was too much. He could hear his mum talking but he couldn't understand what she was saying. There was just too much going on. Even crouched forward, pressing his hands over his ears trying to calm down so he could focus on what was being said. 

He could feel things slowing down a little in his head. He looked up and made direct eye contact with his dad sitting at the table. It didn't feel like he was in control of his own body as he got up and walked out of the room and then the apartment. Maybe going for a walk would make his head stop working overdrive.

He barely noticed the cold air and rain falling on him. He could feel his legs shaking but he didn't care or know what it meant. He got to the place he was heading. A small park with a special swing. The swing was sort of like a trampoline on strings. It was really cool. Even smiled looking at it, remembering being at this same spot with someone who used to be his best friend. It felt good and safe. He sat down on the swing letting it move. 

He sat in the swing until he could see the sun over his head. His skin felt dry and tingly. He thought maybe walking to here would fix his thoughts, but everything is too fast. He keeps thinking about his friends and how everything fell to shit. Maybe it was time to fix it. 

He got up and started walking down the familiar path to Mikael's house. He got there quickly, remembering the short cuts. He stopped to look at the spot that Mikael had stepped on a snail and it had exploded, he laughed, that was a good night. 

He got to the house and walked down the sloped drive. He got to the front door and knocked on it hard. It opened to show Mikael's stepdad in the doorway. Even said a quiet excuse me, before shoving past and walking straight into Mikael's room. 

He opened the door and it was empty. There was still the shelves on the black wall with the writing they had done on it. Some vinyls still stuck to the cupboard. He could see the kink in the blinds from where he had fallen off Mikael's bed and broken them. 

He didn't cope. He walked in and started ripping vinyls off the wall, throwing them across the room and smashing them. He pulled on shelves until they fell and ripped the blinds. Once he was finished with his outburst, chalk dust filling the air, he fell to the ground in a mess of sobs.  _Why is he gone? Where did he go? I am alone._

Even stayed sitting on the floor here sobbing until he could feel his mothers hands on his shoulders. He was directed to stand and then lead out into a car. He now felt dead and empty. Things felt wrong. 

Once he got home he booked a flight. He was going to see Mikael no matter what it cost. He could leave Monday. That would be fine. He would have to catch a train and then get on the plane. It worked.

He skipped out to the kitchen. He excitedly told his mum of his plans and cried when she told him that he wasn't allowed. 

-

It lasted a week. This mania. It didn't stop and he felt like he didn't know what he was doing. 

But after was so much worse. People kept on looking at him like he was crazy. Like he had done something wrong. He knew he didn't make good choices, and it landed him in hospital with hypothermia. He was lucky to be in hospital because if he was left at home he would've done something stupid like break into his mothers medical kit and opened a vein to make up for the stupid shit he's done. 

There are doctors circling him all day, muttering words like bipolar and mania. Even has heard these words before. Never directed at him however. A lady came in and talked to him for a few hours and the next day they introduced Even to a new medication. Large purple pills he had to take morning and night to stop him from running in the rain at 04.00 again. 

He's taken to therapy every week from then on. His mum drives him and waits outside for him to finish his appointments. He ends up drinking a lot more tea and telling someone he isn't even sure if he trusts more about his life than he probably should. 

He explains the relationship with Mikael and how badly things ended, him moving to another country in the end. Completely breaking Even's heart. How Mikael was manipulative and used Even as a person to dump shit on all the time, then not helping at all when Even needed it. Even finally had started getting over Mikael when his manic episode happened and ruined everything he had worked so hard for. 

He cried in almost every meeting with his therapist, not really wanting to, but he knew he had to be honest if he wanted to get help. His mindset was that if he lied they couldn't fix him, even though he had been told time and time again that there was nothing to fix, just something to learn to manage. 

Maybe one day he would be able to manage it.

**Author's Note:**

> If there is anything in here that concerned you please feel free to message my tumblr theyellowcurtains.tumblr.com , I am willing to listen to anything you have to say. I promise I won't judge.


End file.
